“Being little” is of critical importance because we see the signature of early childhood experience literally in people’s bodies: their life expectancies are longer and their social-emotional capabilities are more robust when they have a chance to learn through play and through deep relationships, and when their developing brains are given the chance to grow in a nurturing, language-rich, and relatively unhurried environment. It’s clearer than ever before that young children are not simply mini-adults."
Erika Christakis (Author: The Importance of Being Little)
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I have lived through three years of this pandemic (almost!) in a unique position - very closely affiliated with parents as a parent myself, as a grandmother of seven, and as an elementary school principal directly connected to children and families. What began as a 'we are all in this together!' movement has morphed into what often feels like an 'every person for themselves' situation with competing images, unclear directions and a general sense of fatigue and uncertainty.
While I could ruminate on many lessons - both negative and positive - I will hold in my heart from this pandemic when it finally subsides, perhaps the most profound observation I have made is how sharply this pandemic has pulled parenting into focus. I believe this may fall on the side of a positive lesson although, in some instances, it has emerged as an unexpected and perhaps puzzling aspect for many of us - grandparents included!
Before the pandemic punched holes in our world views (remember those days? They do seem to have happened so long ago...), our children were busy, active, involved little folks as they played minor sports, took music lessons, art lessons, dance lessons, swimming lessons, engaged in martial arts sessions, filled weekends with vibrant, sometimes excessive-but-entertaining birthday parties, spent their spare time in large indoor play spaces with names like The Flying Squirrel or Ninja Games, and kept their parents and grandparents very busy managing their social activities. While this scenario did not play out exactly the same way for every child, dependent as it was on socio-economic and/or family status, there is no doubt children of three years ago were overall much more committed to their external activities than it even seems possible to imagine today.
Even as a grandmother, I remember sitting on the phone with my calendar and either of my children with families, pencilling in where my husband and I could help out with getting children to activities, watching assorted sports activities, music recitals, helping to supervise and organize birthday parties, babysitting little ones while older siblings attended school events, planning holidays to Disney World, lakes, Mexico or Hawaii, etc. Having experienced these activities similarly as a mother, this did not seem unusual to me in any way - childhood was a time to ensure active living, learning to play new sports and engage in new activities, to promote creativity and personal passions. Although I recall feeling that motherhood included a huge 'social convenor' role, this was parenting as I experienced in through the last two decades of the 20th century and well into the 21st - it was not a surprise to me that my children parented similarly, nor that the parents of the children I taught and worked with every day in schools were parented as active, involved members of society too!
What the pandemic caused in its' earliest iteration was an abrupt and unexpected end to all things encompassed in our modern definition of parenting. Suddenly there were no more lessons to go to, no playgrounds or school social events available for fostering friendships, no games to learn to play or watch or relive afterwards. There were no escape places either - no one could travel to Disney World or Hawaii or even the province next door easily. Instead of line ups for soccer or hockey registration, we worried about finding enough toilet paper and, rather unexpectedly, we worried about each other. Neighbours became very important in a distinctive way - they were our only contact with the world outside our homes for the first few months, and we suddenly paid attention to them even though we might have never even known their names before. We got to know their children and their pets out of necessity, as well as interest - we had just never had time to be interested before. We wanted to help each other, ensure the health and safety of the world as we all felt we were part of the global fight to eliminate COVID.
Suddenly our kids were home 100% of the time - and even when school began in person again last fall, there were still so many restrictions in place, school was about the only place they were allowed to go away from home. Gradually the world began to squeak open ever so slightly - some soccer, dance, hockey resumed in a controlled way, modifications for music classes began to emerge, theatres tentatively opened. Yet the virus swirled relentlessly on, and our worries about our children have been magnified by overwhelming media reports that often conflict and frighten, leading us to wonder if anyone in the world honestly knows anything...and should we care anymore about anyone other than our own families?
Despite this rather chaotic pandemic experience, parents have pivoted amazingly well in response to the pandemic experience - at least from my perspective. They have become much more aware of children's strengths and challenges as learners, understand their social responses and behaviours much more clearly, articulate their children's passions and pursuits beyond the activities of choice requiring registrations, tell stories about their children's favourite books or authors, find time to get to the public library with their children in tow, are learning new games, activities and seeking simpler, outdoor activities for play that appeal to both children and adults. Camping, skating, skiing, hiking - these have all elevated significantly in importance in our lives as the outside world has had to retreat from our immediate line of vision.
Knowing your children intimately - what their likes, dislikes, questions, opinions, passions, curiosities and deepest wishes are - even as they change frequently - makes the role of parenting richer and primal in a way that convening the childhood experiences of three years ago did not take the time to offer. We knew our children and grandchildren from the way they engaged in activities and social exchanges - now we know them from the way they engage in living closely within our family units as they find ways to provoke their curiosities and entertain themselves in ways that are considerably constrained. These are distinctive differences and mean our parenting must be front and centre with our children on a completely different level than previously - we are their primary navigators of relationships, technology, play, interests, outdoor pursuits, independence without the potential of safety nets where kids could learn skills and strategies for living from various external social experiences.
Parenting has never been easy - we had five children over the course of 14 years and every time we ever made the arrogant mistake of thinking 'we've got this!' we were proved almost immediately inept as we dealt with yet another personality quirk or unexpected event in one child's life or another!
Every beautiful baby comes with their own genetic set of unexpectedness - as much as they mirror the qualities of one parent or another - this genetic code is intrinsically designed to keep parents perpetually on their toes! What the pandemic forced upon us was an opportunity to shift our focus as parents to deeply connect with our children in ways we might not have been called on to try before.
Are our children experiencing mental health challenges as a result of the pandemic?
Perhaps - it's been my experience that children typically respond emotionally to frightening world events, require a variety of honest, concrete reassurances and then are able to find new ways to cope, building their resiliency along the way. I remember when 9/11 occurred - no one would argue that event marked a generation of young children with mental health challenges as well. Parenting through those days was difficult, and required finding out how each child was processing their understanding of events so we could reassure each in the most appropriate way - and without telling them 'everything will be okay' since it was clear nothing was okay and might never be again.
One of the things I am most confident about as a result of the pandemic is that parents are now even more deeply connected to their children, know them better than they ever have before, and are actively seeking whatever supports that are needed to reassure their children they can be hopeful, happy and active in their lives.
Again, this perspective does not apply to every child, every family, every circumstance.
Overall, however - as an educator, a principal, a parent, a grandparent - I have great confidence in parents and their primal connections with their children. Parenting has changed visibly over the past three years and it is this shift in parenting that I believe will best support the children in our schools, our country and the world with navigating our current chaos and build their personal resiliency.
We are no longer blanketed by our children's social calendars. They, however, are wrapped in our concern, love and connections as we focus on what is most valuable in life - families, health, friends, connecting with one another and with our world.
As pandemic lessons go, I do think this is a positive one!
Lorraine Kinsman, Principal
Eric Harvie School
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