Conversations with Children About Hard Things - like War

   

"When events in the world are scary and tragic, it's totally understandable to want to protect our children from it. Our instinct is to let them keep believing that the world is safe and that bad things don't happen, for as long as possible.

But kids are incredibly attuned to our emotional states, stressed expressions and any tension at home. They easily sense when something's going on or when things aren't right. Without an adult to explain what is happening, children’s imaginations often create scenarios that are even worse than reality." - Dr. Aliza W. Pressman (Raising Good Humans)****************************There is a war happening in Ukraine. Just typing these words seems surreal in the 21st century - yet again, our histories continue to haunt us into our futures. And the children who are already living through an unprecedented pandemic are now exposed to a war that is highly visible in western societies - especially those whose populations are linked to Ukraine as we are in Alberta and in Canada.  In my 32-year career, I have taught children connected to 9/11, the Bosnian/Serbian war, the Iraq war, the Syrian war and the Afghan war - not to mention numerous other conflicts around the world. I believe it is important to respond appropriately and honestly to children when they ask questions, when they are trying to make sense of incomprehensible events and help them find a way to process strange things in a strange world to carry forward with hope and without fear.
Our learners are very young - ages 5 - 10 years for the most part.  Dr. Aliza W. Pressman, clinical psychologist and Director of the Mt. Sinai Parenting Foundation, author and podcast presenter of the 'Raising Good Humans' books and podcasts, specializes in resiliency and supporting parents with guiding healthy childhood development. When considering how to best approach conversations about the Ukraine/Russia war with my grandchildren and our students, it is in Dr. Pressman's words that I find best guidance. I do recommend checking out her podcast, Raising Good Humans on a wide variety of parenting topics as well.************************

"There is a war in Ukraine. This is all over the news, all over social media, all of our hearts and minds. If we don’t get in front of explaining this to our kids, they will explain it to themselves." 

- Dr. Aliza W. Pressman

*****************************

Dr. Pressman offers 9 key points for discussing the war in Ukraine with our children, included in her bulletin at https://draliza.bulletin.com/talking-about-ukraine-with-our-childrenI am including them here as well:

1. Take a deep breath, so you are calm and regulated. It can help to physically put your hand on your heart to soothe your nervous system.

2. See what they know. “You may have heard about what is happening in Ukraine. I’m curious what you know and I’m here to answer questions.”

3. Be honest and clear. “Russia has invaded Ukraine, and as with any war, people will be hurt and killed. That’s why you’re seeing so many grown-ups who are so sad. You are safe, we are safe, but we care about the experience of people even when they are far away.”

4. Pause. Let the information land. See what your child has to say.

5. Listen. Make room for any reaction. Your child does not need to be interested, or sad, we just need to tell them so that they don’t pick up on unspoken cues of our collective distress.

6. Describe the age-appropriate facts. If your child has questions, look up answers together on child-friendly news sources, like Newsela. If your child is repeating mis-information, help them to think through more reliable sources. Answer only the questions they’ve asked and resist going into longer explanations. This is not one conversation, but unfortunately an ongoing discussion.

7. When you can’t answer a question, acknowledge it. These are complicated questions that are an opportunity for critical thinking, investigation, and the acceptance of a reality where we don’t always have answers. Get comfortable with the idea that we can’t solve these problems for our children or ourselves, but that we can help make peace with the discomfort and uncertainty.

8. Stick to routines. Whenever things in the world feel uncertain, even far away, it’s important to lean on routines to keep things as stable as possible for your child. This is also helpful to manage your own emotions and be present for your family.

9. If you notice your child is having anxiety around current events, after this discussion or at any point, let them know that you are there and strategize ways for them to remain informed while also taking care of their own emotions. Reassure them that it makes sense to feel anxious right now, and that we all feel similarly.

 *****************************As a peace education school, we focus on building empathy, care and harmony in every circumstance, and on the ways in which we can help build a peaceful community. Many of Dr. Pressman's suggestions are likely to be included in any conversations with students that occur in the coming days, and possibly weeks, about the war in Ukraine, as well as making deliberate connections to literature, poetry and specific efforts to build peaceful communities together. 
We do this by showing our solidarity with Ukrainians in the face of invasion, by answering questions honestly and fairly without alarmist or accusatory language, by reassuring anxieties that might suddenly emerge and by ensuring our conversations with children acknowledge truths while also encouraging critical thinking, questioning and research to make as much sense as possible of specific events and stories that emerge from the conflict. 
We will stick to routines as much as possible at school, as always, and develop engaging learning activities for our students to keep their minds actively making sense of new concepts and weaving new understandings.  A world where war casts a shadow impacts the experience of childhood but it does not destroy childhood, nor love, nor imagination.  Carefully navigated, even making sense of war has the potential to be a positive learning experience where children build resiliency, empathy and care for the world.
And just now, it seems like that might be the most important work we do with children in these first decades of the 21st century. *****************************"Keep in mind that there is really never a reason to expose children to TV news reports and graphic details of scary topics. Large doses of media coverage can be very harmful even to adults. The news is built on keeping an audience engaged and anxious. Turn it off the minute you feel your nervous system become activated. You can keep informed without obsessively watching the news, and are modeling for your family how to keep connected without becoming unhinged." - Dr. Aliza W. Pressman (Raising Good Humans)*****************************
Lorraine Kinsman, PrincipalEric Harvie School 

 

Next Steps as COVID Precautions are Removed - Especially for Anxious Learners

"No amount of planning will prevent students from being anxious. 

Therefore, encouraging tolerance of fear and anxiety, 

rather than avoidance, will be essential." - Anxiety Canada 

************************************

We have had a first few days at school with learners no longer required to wear masks. 

For many adults, this is excellent news - we are pandemic weary of masks and restrictions and have a great desire to 'get back to normal!'  For others, we are cautiously optimistic the worst of the pandemic may be behind us - even as we encounter new infections and isolations reminding us COVID has not left the planet at all. For the children - especially our youngest learners who have never known school without masks, distancing, frequent hand sanitizing and constrained use of school resources and spaces - suddenly changing things quite drastically and visibly may cause unexpected anxieties and concerns. 

Last week, we encountered some children who are anxious about the changes, while other students seem ambivalent one way or the other. Our goal, as educators, is to support every child with their experiences through the pandemic/endemic/disappearance (hopefully!) phases of COVID-19. To do this successfully, we need to share our plans for supporting children with our families, knowing we are all partners in this COVID journey together.

Eric Harvie School has been fortunate to have experienced few actual cases and infections over the past two years. This has been achieved through the tremendous support of our families with vaccinations, vigilant mask-wearing, enhanced handwashing/sanitizing, distancing, heightened cleaning, appropriate ventilation and cohorting and constraining students. As we remove these supports in the coming weeks, we do expect the questions from children will increase as they begin to notice the differences - fewer masks, greater flexibility with grouping/regrouping, reduced focus on cohorting, more resources brought into the classrooms and other learning areas, etc. And, while children will thrive overall in these new situations, there will be concerns that come up as well - perhaps fears, always questions.

They will hear different perspectives from other children about whether they should/should not be wearing masks, should/should not be keeping their distances, should/should not frequently sanitize/handwash or touch items that have not been separated or cleaned between uses by different children. These differences may cause confusion for some children, worries or anxieties for others and even deep-seated fears for a few. 

************************

"As educators, it is important to listen to students’ concerns and, even if the emotions are extreme, express understanding and empathy. Letting families know you understand and appreciate their perspective will help open up a dialogue for problem solving." - Anxiety Canada

********************************

In keeping with our work around Peace Education, we continually work with our students to accept each others' ideas, thoughts, feelings as real and valid at all times. There are no right or wrong sides to anything that happens in school - we are all on a learning journey together and learning to value differences of opinion openly and honestly and respecting differences is a significant lesson in building peaceful communities together. 

We will also always answer learner questions as openly and honestly as we possibly can, within the developmental range of each child. We will, for example, support any student who is concerned to understand that at some point, our school might be closed due to additional illnesses or a short period of time - not will  be but might be and we would work with them to help them understand the differences between might and will. 

We will acknowledge with them that someone - or several someones- they know will become ill with COVID-19 - or they might as well. May become ill rather than will become ill, and we will encourage them to recognize COVID illnesses are managed differently now than they were two years ago - we have medications, vaccinations, better knowledge about the illness so medical professionals can support us to recovery. We will also continue to help learners understand responsibility for illness rests with everyone, not just one of us. The government sets policies to keep the public safe, the school board sets rules for schools based on the government policies and the school keeps the children safe by following the rules. And each of us can help keep ourselves safe with handwashing/sanitizing, distancing or wearing masks as needed. We work together to stay safe and we are not solely responsible if someone becomes ill. 

When questions or concerns surface about COVID 'coming back' or perhaps having to resume masking or some other precaution, we will encourage learners to remember they were able to cope before when things changed and they will cope capably again.  

******************

"Educators can let students know these situations can be upsetting to think about, but that we can try to take things one day at a time and enjoy the current day rather than worry about what the future holds – especially when that future can be somewhat uncertain.

These are challenging discussions that aren’t easy for anyone, but helping students develop an ability to be ‘comfortable being uncomfortable’ may help them cope with future anxieties." - Anxiety Canada

*************************

There may be some children who experience elevated anxiousness to the point of fear - they may even be afraid to come to school because it is such an unfamiliar way for them to experience school. Should that happen, we will work with families to gradually build tolerance of uncertainty and use strategies to help them face their fears.  As learners work through their fears, their anxieties and their questions, they are building resiliency and coping strategies that will serve them well should there be another wave of COVID-19 infections in our forseeable future - or any other future significant societal event. 

Teachers and school staff are also working to manage quick transitions to the removal of precautions and will always do our best to model calm, honest, caring and encouraging behaviours for our students to see and emulate in their own relationships with each other as we enter this next 'living with' endemic phase of COVID-19. Whether this is too quick or too slow, necessary or a whim, based in science or in fatigue really isn't the issue. We are here, the precautions are lifting and we are learning to both cope and model coping with our learners and our families. As always, we are on this journey together. 

As a school, we are committed to staying in clear contact with families at all times. We will let you know whatever changes are coming for your children and for yourselves through our Monday Connect, our school website, family Messenger emails and this blog. 

And, hopefully, we will be able to welcome you into our beautiful school where your children are focused on learning through active engagement every day!  That is one of the most enticing aspects of the removal of precautions - bringing all our learning spaces alive with children for sure, but also welcoming their parents inside the school to share in the excitement as learners represent their learning!

Finally, I had the great pleasure of listening to Alan Doyle last Friday as part of the Teachers' Convention presentations.  One comment in particular has stayed with me all weekend as I contemplate a return to school with diminishing precautions, knowing we are entering uncharted territory yet again.

"When you can't do what you do, do what you can do." (Alan Doyle)

Quite honestly, this has been what schools have done for the past two years. Moving forward into the next months of uncertainty, it is how we will continue to ensure schools are centres of learning, of excitement, of energy and enthusiasm for all our learners. 

Lorraine Kinsman, Principal

Eric Harvie School 

Anxiety Canada's website:  https://www.anxietycanada.com/articles/7-tips-for-educators-returning-to-school-during-covid-19/

Tired, Frustrated, Grateful. Hopeful.

​

"Sometimes you have to let go of the picture of what you thought life would be like and learn to find joy in the story you are actually living." - Rachel Marie Martin 

There is a lot of discontent evident across Canada just now. 

Pandemic fatigue has erupted.

It seems like an appropriate time to take stock and reflect for a few moments on my own experiences through this pandemic. 

I understand that fatigue - I too am often tired of constraints and restrictions and imposing them at school and home - even with the very best of intentions - has been exhausting. 

I am frustrated with not seeing my family and friends like I used to, and with restricting all the little things - and the big things like travel - that we were so used to doing whenever we chose.

I am frustrated with schools not being open to families, with teaching and learning not looking and sounding the way I believe it works best for children.

I am saddened and frustrated that so many families lost loved ones sooner than they might have in a COVID-free world - having experienced unexpected and early loss of loved ones far too often in my own life, it is heartbreaking to consider the depth of pain these losses have caused over the past two years, and the bright lights of human life that have been prematurely shortened and lost to the world. 

I am frustrated with the deferred surgeries and medical procedures that have resulted from an over-taxed medical system that simply couldn't manage both COVID patients and other patients at the same time. ​

I had no idea when the pandemic began that it would go on this long either - I have never lived through a pandemic before.

But I am also grateful. Grateful that I have been guided carefully through this situation by a school board that demonstrates repeatedly they care about children and about learning. 

That our community has consistently supported our efforts to both keep children safe and learning continuing to the very best of the school's ability. 

I am grateful for vaccines that have kept so many of us safe and will continue to do so - I was born part of the 'vaccination generation' and I have confidence in medical breakthroughs - there have been so many over the decades that have kept my family and friends safe!

I am grateful for a government that had the courage to recognize potential harm and strive to keep all it's citizens as safe as possible - there have been rules but also funding for vaccination research, to keep people surviving when jobs disappeared, for tests and vaccinations and medical equipment and personnel to ensure those who did become ill were cared for - especially during the previous waves that were so virulent.

I am grateful for free healthcare and frontline workers who continue to strive to keep our hospitals open and available to help. 

And for the Canadians who have kept our grocery stores filled, our online orders delivered (especially books!) and our heat and electricity managed.

I am grateful our family has stayed healthy and safe.

And I am grateful for everyone who was willing to wear masks, get vaccinations and follow public health guidelines to reduce the impact of COVID around the world - to keep themselves protected but also to boost the health and safety of others. It was a choice and I am grateful we had opportunities to make choices that could help others as well as ourselves. 

More recently vaccinations became an expectation, temporarily, to stay employed in many cases (including mine), also to to safeguard public health. And I am grateful, as a public employee, for all the people who have been willing to continue to keep our schools as safe as possible, as well as many other public spaces. 

And I am so grateful I have been able to come to our beautiful school everyday, work with dedicated, deeply caring staff who persevered through so many changes to ensure learning happened in a joyous way each and every day with our curious, engaged, amazing learners. 

Perhaps I am most grateful to have had the opportunity to see our country come together - initially anyway - reaching out to each other, sharing things like window art and sidewalk chalk pictures or words of encouragement, baking bread and sharing photos on social media, visiting virtually, working from home and trying to support each other through the initial lockdowns with words of encouragement. This was a shared experience such as I have never experienced before. 

Finally, I am hopeful for the future because of the lessons this pandemic has bestowed upon humanity. 

I am hopeful we are more attentive to global human health in the future, to the realization the Earth has complexities and impacts on humans that are not predictable and life cannot always offer everything we want when we want it, just because we want it. There are checks and balances that must be acknowledged, honoured and accommodated to ensure the endurance of human living on this planet. 

I am most hopeful for the future because of the children - they have learned these lessons early in life and are developing both resiliency and a respect for the planet that I, personally, don't think I understood as a child. 

These have been my personal gifts from the pandemic - I have lived long enough to know life is completely unpredictable and things happen all the time we never anticipate might occur. 

My personal approach to life has always been to figure out the best path through the challenges and look for the nuggets - the small gifts that redeem the moments I truly would have rather skipped, given the choice. And I am grateful there were so many nuggets to appreciate through this whole experience. 

I do get tired. And frustrated. But I am also grateful, and it is with gratitude that I will continue to follow the masks, vaccinations, distancing and other protocols until the world feels as safe as we all would truly like it to be.  

For me, that is not now. 

There is still work to be done and perhaps the best gift of all is knowing we are all able to persevere until the time is right to make significant changes, in a safe world, rather than a precarious one. 

For me, living through this first pandemic of my lifetime has afforded me new insights into building peaceful communities together. 

Yes, I am tired - like everyone else -  from the efforts, frustrated they are required longer than we would lke, yet so grateful to be part of the endeavours to sustain public health and well-being of both big and small humans. 

This is, from my perspective, the very essence of building peaceful communities together. 

Lorraine Kinsman, Principal

Eric Harvie School 

Teaching Children Skills to Build Independence & Make Sense of the World

 

     

"Learning is a social act, and talking with peers and adults helps students clarify misunderstandings, work through confusion, and deepen their thinking... (there are) ways to help students use talk to deepen their learning and understanding of academic content. But in this moment, as students are coping with constant change and uncertainties, talk can also be a strategy for dealing with emotional challenges." - Jennifer Orr, Author/Educator

One of the primary roles school plays in a child's life is to provide a safe, supportive place to develop independence, begin to establish personal identity and be inquisitive as they approach new situations and information. When children enter Kindergarten, we begin a slow dance with them, scaffolding experiences and gradually releasing responsibilities related to making choices about learning, friendships, engaging in tasks, communicating with care and respect, asking questions, making responsible decisions about their actions, applying critical thinking to novel situations and furthering the growth of their personal identities as they progress through school.

As educators, we intentionally employ numerous strategies to engage children in activities and situations where they are able to consider options, discuss their perspectives, explore different possibilities, generate new ideas and practice new skills, gently nudging them towards independence as learners and as individuals. 

Despite the restrictive circumstances that have emerged through the pandemic and impacted the flexible operation of schools, we have continued to offer these teachable experiences and interactions with our students, albeit in constricted conditions. The ever-changing nature of the COVID-19 situation has interrupted the typical flow of experiences schools are able to offer as well, subsequently disrupting the usual progression towards independence of our learners over the past couple of years. 

Yet children need to develop independence, critical thinking, empathy and responsibility for healthy maturation and growth.  And teachers - educators - all possess an array of possible experiences that will foster opportunities for in-person learners to continue their gradual journey towards independence and help them to make sense of a suddenly very crazy world no one was prepared to navigate. 

"Students of all ages must be able to talk to advocate for themselves (and quite possibly for others).  If students can articulate what they feel and need, we can help them more effectively." 

- Jennifer Orr, Author & Educator 

Some strategies we use in schools to support learners with building independence and developing skills to make sense of their world - even in the time of COVID - are briefly described below. These strategies are simple in concept and may be easily adapted by families who may be considering how to best support fostering independence and positive social-emotional growth during these days of unexpected events that so frequently rock the predictability of the world in which our children are currently living.  

• using picture books to encourage students to identify their own feelings and needs will offer opportunities for children to share stories and experiences, to question and imagine, explain or investigate events and situations from a secure place and perspective, even when their world feels uncertain; as they identify with characters, they also identify with themselves and begin to make better sense of what may often seem like an incomprehensible world at times and they come to understand their emotions are completely okay and others are feeling the same way from time to time

• another strategy that supports students' independence is to celebrate small successes with them - this requires helping children understand the tasks being asked of them can be broken down into small steps and that small steps are much more doable than trying to accomplish one large task all at the same time
• as we help learners understand the smaller steps, we also note when they have accomplished one small thing, and then another and another; they build on one small success after the other and are motivated to continue growing and learning 
• sometimes teachers use checklists to help children understand the small steps, or exit slips, visual or sequential charts as well - these scaffolds (or supports) build confidence and independence 

"The power of the small wins...(are) straightforward and convincing." - Mike Gaskell

• Sometimes children need a framework to help them express their feelings, questions, ideas, concerns that might be impeding their journey to independence - when these situations occur, educators (and families) might use sentence starters or a skeleton of ideas to support children in capturing, identifying and understanding what they might be worried about, or might be causing them to hold back from trying something new or expressing their own perspective 

• a few sentence starters might include such things as:

• It would be helpful if I had… 

• Right now, I need… 

• I am finding this really hard because… 

• I wish I could… 

• I’m feeling really ______ because…

• I’m feeling _______ and I don’t know why. 

• I am really _______ and I don’t know what to do

                                                                                                (Jennifer Orr)

"Every moment, our brains are bombarded with millions of bits of information—far too much to process. Which means we tend to ignore most of what's happening around us, paying attention only to what we find interesting, novel, or compelling." - Bryan Goodwin 

If students are able to articulate their feelings, ask for help to get their needs met, identify small goals and celebrate achieving them, these emotional supports and understandings will move them successfully towards independence as they celebrate their small successes and begin to identify who they are going to become in life. Developing oral language skills (also called 'talk skills') encourages children to work through their own personal challenges and emotions, as well as foster self-advocacy and, ultimately, independence.

Lorraine Kinsman, Principal

Eric Harvie School