"When events in the world are scary and tragic, it's totally understandable to want to protect our children from it. Our instinct is to let them keep believing that the world is safe and that bad things don't happen, for as long as possible.
But kids are incredibly attuned to our emotional states, stressed expressions and any tension at home. They easily sense when something's going on or when things aren't right. Without an adult to explain what is happening, children’s imaginations often create scenarios that are even worse than reality." - Dr. Aliza W. Pressman (Raising Good Humans)****************************There is a war happening in Ukraine. Just typing these words seems surreal in the 21st century - yet again, our histories continue to haunt us into our futures. And the children who are already living through an unprecedented pandemic are now exposed to a war that is highly visible in western societies - especially those whose populations are linked to Ukraine as we are in Alberta and in Canada.
In my 32-year career, I have taught children connected to 9/11, the Bosnian/Serbian war, the Iraq war, the Syrian war and the Afghan war - not to mention numerous other conflicts around the world. I believe it is important to respond appropriately and honestly to children when they ask questions, when they are trying to make sense of incomprehensible events and help them find a way to process strange things in a strange world to carry forward with hope and without fear.
Our learners are very young - ages 5 - 10 years for the most part. Dr. Aliza W. Pressman, clinical psychologist and Director of the Mt. Sinai Parenting Foundation, author and podcast presenter of the 'Raising Good Humans' books and podcasts, specializes in resiliency and supporting parents with guiding healthy childhood development. When considering how to best approach conversations about the Ukraine/Russia war with my grandchildren and our students, it is in Dr. Pressman's words that I find best guidance. I do recommend checking out her podcast, Raising Good Humans on a wide variety of parenting topics as well.************************
Take a deep breath, so you are calm and regulated. It can help to physically put your hand on your heart to soothe your nervous system.
See what they know. “You may have heard about what is happening in Ukraine. I’m curious what you know and I’m here to answer questions.”
Be honest and clear. “Russia has invaded Ukraine, and as with any war, people will be hurt and killed. That’s why you’re seeing so many grown-ups who are so sad. You are safe, we are safe, but we care about the experience of people even when they are far away.”
Pause. Let the information land. See what your child has to say.
Listen. Make room for any reaction. Your child does not need to be interested, or sad, we just need to tell them so that they don’t pick up on unspoken cues of our collective distress.
Describe the age-appropriate facts. If your child has questions, look up answers together on child-friendly news sources, like Newsela. If your child is repeating mis-information, help them to think through more reliable sources. Answer only the questions they’ve asked and resist going into longer explanations. This is not one conversation, but unfortunately an ongoing discussion.
When you can’t answer a question, acknowledge it. These are complicated questions that are an opportunity for critical thinking, investigation, and the acceptance of a reality where we don’t always have answers. Get comfortable with the idea that we can’t solve these problems for our children or ourselves, but that we can help make peace with the discomfort and uncertainty.
Stick to routines. Whenever things in the world feel uncertain, even far away, it’s important to lean on routines to keep things as stable as possible for your child. This is also helpful to manage your own emotions and be present for your family.
If you notice your child is having anxiety around current events, after this discussion or at any point, let them know that you are there and strategize ways for them to remain informed while also taking care of their own emotions. Reassure them that it makes sense to feel anxious right now, and that we all feel similarly.
*****************************As a peace education school, we focus on building empathy, care and harmony in every circumstance, and on the ways in which we can help build a peaceful community. Many of Dr. Pressman's suggestions are likely to be included in any conversations with students that occur in the coming days, and possibly weeks, about the war in Ukraine, as well as making deliberate connections to literature, poetry and specific efforts to build peaceful communities together.
We do this by showing our solidarity with Ukrainians in the face of invasion, by answering questions honestly and fairly without alarmist or accusatory language, by reassuring anxieties that might suddenly emerge and by ensuring our conversations with children acknowledge truths while also encouraging critical thinking, questioning and research to make as much sense as possible of specific events and stories that emerge from the conflict.
We will stick to routines as much as possible at school, as always, and develop engaging learning activities for our students to keep their minds actively making sense of new concepts and weaving new understandings. A world where war casts a shadow impacts the experience of childhood but it does not destroy childhood, nor love, nor imagination. Carefully navigated, even making sense of war has the potential to be a positive learning experience where children build resiliency, empathy and care for the world.
And just now, it seems like that might be the most important work we do with children in these first decades of the 21st century. *****************************"Keep in mind that there is really never a reason to expose children to TV news reports and graphic details of scary topics. Large doses of media coverage can be very harmful even to adults. The news is built on keeping an audience engaged and anxious. Turn it off the minute you feel your nervous system become activated. You can keep informed without obsessively watching the news, and are modeling for your family how to keep connected without becoming unhinged." - Dr. Aliza W. Pressman (Raising Good Humans)*****************************
Lorraine Kinsman, PrincipalEric Harvie School
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